Power Outage, Pedophile Wants Me, Carmen Is Being Baptized And Transfers!!!!

Wow, I did it! I completed the hardest part—the first six weeks! I cannot believe I have been a missionary for 12 weeks. That's three months! I don't believe it. Time actually does fly.

Okay, so the internet at the church is out, so my mom is going to forward this to the weekly. So, you will get two emails. But if you're on this list, you're important, and you'll most likely get an email two times with the same thing. Lol.

So, this week, to start off, Carmen is getting baptized on Friday. I'm so excited for her! All of her neighbors come to our lessons now. Honestly, not us as missionaries, but it's very possible that her whole street will be converted. I have no doubt. They are all old people who are best friends. It's literally the funniest thing. Five years ago, I would never have thought that I would be in the beach towns of Puerto Rico, hanging out with all these random people in their 70s and having the time of my life. It's crazy how much a mission changes you and how much you learn and grow. And how HAPPY YOU ARE! It's insane how it just makes you truthfully happy. Carmen's quote of the week to her blind neighbor Barney, "Okay, here's the crew of their friend group. They're all old and single, and they're just friends." So, Carmen is a 70-year-old lady who is like a loving grandma but also racist to Chinese and Barney. Lol. Barney is a blind white guy who only speaks English. There's also Carmen's son, who's around 40 and always smoking. Then there's Santiago, the next-door neighbor who's always shirtless and shoeless but isn't homeless. He has money, just looks homeless. And then there's Jorge, who is actually broke and can't walk well. He's super anorexic, very malnourished. It's sad. He really likes our views on the gospel, though. He's always like, "Yeah, that makes perfect sense!" Alright, so Carmen is being baptized Friday, so she's setting the example, and I know that the rest will be baptized eventually. I don't know when, but I know they will. We're planting the best seeds ever. Usually, when we visit her, it's on Tuesdays and Thursdays. We call them "afternoons with Melvin." Melvin is a 70-year-old member who is best friends with us missionaries. He's literally the best person I think I've ever met. He's so nice. He is the best friend you could ever have. He knows English really well because he grew up in the Bronx, then he went into the army, so he's a veteran and has funny stories. He also used to be a bodybuilder, and he's like 4'9", so he's tiny now and also really skinny. I don't know where all his muscle went, but he's really funny. So, we have all this as our friends when we visit Carmen. It's literally chaos and absolutely hilarious! So, we get there this week, and Carmen calls Barney a "you come from Hitler." (She doesn't hate Barney, but she doesn't like him because he's disrespectful. He's also crazy.) Then she goes, "Barney Hitler" (All of this is in English because Barney only knows English), and just imagine it with an old Puerto Rican lady who has a thick Spanish-English accent. It's so funny. Then she goes, "Barney, I'm going to kick your ass." Lol. I had to add that because, well, it made my week. It was so, so funny. I couldn't stop laughing because it was so random and out of nowhere. I was dying.

Okay, so transfers are this week... LET'S GO! I get six more weeks in Arecibo with Elder Christensen, so nothing's changing, and I'm so happy because it's so fun, and I love Elder Christensen. He's a good comp.

Well, so remember a few weeks ago, Nato? I'm now 80 percent sure he's a perverted 68-year-old homosexual man. He's lucky we (me; he doesn't like Elder Christensen, who knows why) hes lucky I'm 19, or I would call the cops after this last call. Hahaha, but I'm going to keep answering because he's kinda funny. Lol. But also very wack. So he called us last night, and I answered and go, "Hello!" (Mind you, Nato only speaks English as well, so I understand everything he says.) "Is this Elder Tew?" I go, "Yes, it is. What's up, Nato?" Then he rambled on for 15 minutes about his roommate, and I taught him lesson 3 while he was rambling. It was actually really smooth. Then I invited him to be baptized, and he goes, "Well..." I said, "Nato, let me baptize you," and he goes, "What are your intentions, Elder Tew?" And I said, "I just want to be your best friend and help you have salvation in heaven so you can have a higher kingdom of glory," and he started flirting with me. "I really just want to be your dad." Then he said he wants to wake up and see me. He can see me every morning. He said he wants to be my dad because I think he wants me to call him daddy. Lol. I told him I had a dad in Utah, and he asked how old he was, and I said he was 43. And he said, "I'm 60." Then I go, "I guess you'll have to be my uncle," and he got all upset and rambled on about how that's a bad idea because he wants to live with me and have me. Words don't describe how he is. "I love you, Elder Tew." Then he was begging for a day with me, and I told him I can't leave Elder Christensen, and he said that "it's fine if he comes, I guess," and I said, "Sweet, can we invite Toda Fuentes too?" (Toda Fuentes is his friend and actually how we met Nato. He is the reason. Lol. But Toda Fuentes is more normal). Also, I really like his name, Toda Fuentes. It sounds funny, and Nato goes on and said, "I only like Toda as a friend. I like you guys more than a friend." So, I'm convinced he's in love with a 19-year-old, so we're probably going to stay away from him. Lol.

We had a storm, but not a hurricane. Just like a really bad storm this week, and our power went out for 32 hours. But it happened to go out at 5 at night, Friday, so I had to sleep with no AC and no fan in a cement box. Oh my gosh, I HAVE NEVER SWEAT SO MUCH IN MY LIFE! I woke up wet, and I mean wet, like when you get out of a pool. And that's not an exaggeration. I was soaked, and my pillow and bed were like water was on it. It was rough. Anyway, also, the reason I can't send a mass email is that my internet in Arecibo is busted, so we have to use the phone, and it can't handle the size of my email list and my emails. So that's why my mom needed to forward this.

We went to a member's house this week for lunch. This member is un poco loco. He's just insane. We pulled up, and he broke his car and walked for who knows why. Then he told us all this crazy stuff, and he always says, "Bien provecho," which is "bon appétit," then he says, "bon appétit." Lol. He laughs so hard, and it's literally only funny because it makes him so happy. Then he goes to the bathroom and just started peeing with the door open, and you could just hear it because it was silent. I almost burst out laughing. It's so hard not to laugh your head off here. Puerto Ricans are absolutely insane and hilarious.

This week, two awesome Spanish miracles from the spirit:

I had to give a blessing of health, and my comp was like, "I can't do all of the Spanish, so you're anointing. Learn the prayer." So I had one hour to do it, and we got there, and I forgot it all. Then out of nowhere, after stating that it's the priesthood, I just knew it. Like two seconds of silence, and it all just started flowing. I was like, "Wow, the gift of tongues is real." And my comp was like, "How did you do that?" I was like, "I didn't. It was the spirit because there was a three-second pause, so he knew I didn't remember. It was incredible."

So we do calls to find people through the area book, and usually, he does it because I don't know Spanish. So I just teach a part of the lesson. But he decided I am ready to phone call in Spanish. He said I was in charge, and I had to call through and teach, and he'd help if needed. So some (we were calling through Greys and Yellow, which is just people who aren't interested but we cycle through in case they're interested now that's grey. Yellows are people who referred themselves from ads and haven't been taught, from not answering or just not having a lesson or no time or not setting up a follow-up lesson, so they are potentially interested. Definitely better odds of finding a new friend in yellows than greys).

I was calling through greys, and God gave me a miracle. Some lady answered, and I taught her with no help and set up a following lesson. But two things: one, my Spanish was not good at all, and she definitely didn't understand everything I was trying to say the best. But two, the spirit is who teaches, not us, and I love that because she felt what I was saying. She didn't listen to the words from me. She heard what the spirit was telling her.

We also had a member catch a Dorado fish, and it was huge. And he made us take half of it. It had no flavor, though. I think that's the chef's fault. Lol. @Elder Christensen.

I tried mofongo last week. I love Puerto Rican plantain dishes. I hate chicken.

And there's a photo in here from last week's transfers with Elder Seneca (lady that made mac and cheese).

Two taco maker burritos, ten total. One crispy burrito, one total. Absolutely fire, though. Definitely getting more.

Nos vemos con besos! Los quiero!

-Elder Tew