Poisoned By A Puertorriqueño

Well, as you all know, I am a picky eater... the pickiest. And, well, Satan knows that, so what does he do? He gives me 5 member meals this week, oh querido... (It's actually not that difficult anymore since I've done it so much, but I still hate eating at people's houses.)

Meal 1 - Let's get into the food stories this week because, well, it's quite entertaining. So the only normal one was Tuesday. We had a member bring us pizza to our apartment, and she couldn't find it because it's in a maze (Puerto Rico neighborhoods are mazes, lol). Anyways, she gets lost, 30 minutes later tells us to meet her at the church, so that was funny. Then we got fire pizza, and that was the most normal day we had with food, lol.

Meal 2 - On Wednesday, we had a member meal with the pagan family in Lechuga (it's the town name which means lettuce). So we get to their house, and they have a devil dog, I mean a devil dog, like came running out of the cage trying to bite us for no reason. Anyways, we end up eating with them. They gave us lettuce (salad), lasagna, tostones, and cake... So I go and eat all the lasagna but 2 bites. I have 3 tostones, and then there's a salad, and they didn't give me dressing, and I don't know how to ask, so I just had plain lettuce. It was a horrible idea. A horrible idea. Literally just lettuce. Anyways, I end up eating all of it but 1 bite less than Elder Christensen. And they asked us (mainly just me) if we wanted seconds, and I said, "No, gracias, estoy super lleno." And then I got made fun of for not being able to eat anything, which didn't make any sense because I little ate one bite less than my companion. So meal number 2/5, I got made fun of like crazy in Spanish for not being able to eat anything as a gringo, lol.

Meal 3 - So we go to this member's who has a boyfriend because her husband died or something, I don't really know. Anyways, we go to their house, and we have to be super good and make a good impression because he is not a member, and we have to try to be a good impression because he's not interested. They've been trying for a while, anyways he's just not interested. Anyways, we got there, and the food she made was my least favorite ever. Pollo guisado, which is chicken wings cooked in stew, ew, I hate vegetables and chicken anyways. I put the chicken in my pocket, lol, and I know I am good at it because my companion always asks when I do it, so that means I am sneaky, so it's good because they don't notice, hahahhahahahah. Anyways, I had chicken in my pocket for like an hour, lololololol.

Meal 4 - The poison, this is where the shiz went down, the shiz went down, dawg. So we get there, these members are like super crazy. Last time we were at this dude's house, he was peeing with the door open. Anyways, she always makes super ghetto food, and it's like kinda wack and gross. Anyways, she loves my companion with her whole heart, like she always asks for him on the phone and talks to him. Anyways, she just loves Elder Christensen, but for some reason, she still doesn't know his name, and she calls him Elder Jefferson, lol. Anyways, she always makes him sit in the same spot, and they say the same joke, "buen provecho... bon appétit," lol. They laugh so hard, it's kinda funny, but only because they think it's so funny. Anyways, she takes these gross burgers and fries them in oil for like 2 minutes, and then they were soggy and cold still, lol. Then, like all these toppings, ew, it was so nasty, and it had so much mayo. We eat it all, and she's like, "Elder, ¿te gusta? (Did you like it?)" "Sí, hermana, me encanta (Yes, I loved it)." And she's like, "Él siempre le gusta más (He always likes it more, lol)." So she like calls me out for not eating, which is wack because the only time I haven't eaten her food is when it was pollo guisado, which is horrible, don't eat it. Anyways, it's wack. We get back to the church, and Elder Christensen runs to the toilet and just blows up the toilet. You heard about the terremoto (the earthquake in Puerto Rico), ya tú sabes. That was Elder Christensen in the toilet, hahahahah, jajajaja, just kidding, but he exploded that. Then he came back and went straight back to the toilet, and I was like, "That's weird. I feel fine, but my stomach feels off and weird, but it doesn't hurt, just kinda funky." So that was wack, but it was just cooking in my stomach, trying to digest, I think, but it literally couldn't.

Meal 5 - So we have a meal that night of the shiz going down at 7 p.m. This chill white guy who speaks English and is working here gives us these nice steaks, and they're so yummy, btw. I eat mustard with my steak, and apparently, that is weird, lol. Aparentemente eso es loco, no sé. It's so wack, apparently. I heard about that, lol. Anyways, this guy gives me this fat steak, so I am just beefed the freak out that day with this wack island beef, and I'm over here dying. Then he had a bowl of assorted fruits, and I had this huge dead fruit fly in mine. It was so nasty. Then we go home, and it's like 8:45, and my stomach is still feeling funky from the hamburger, but I haven't pooped or anything, and I can feel my stomach muscles started cramping. I think it was trying to digest. Anyways, we're done with missionary work, it's like 10, and we lay down in our bed, and I go, "I am going to blow my chunks, lol" (puke, only Lina knows and josh7013). Anyways, I went to blow my chunks, and I puked like 5 times in a row. Everything came out, and it was in my nose and all over the bathroom, and the toilet got it all over my garments. I was cleaning that up for a while. Meanwhile, my comp is just trying to sleep, and his greenie is puking, jajaja. It was horrible. Anyways, don't eat Puerto Rican hamburger or steaks. It is not a good mix, but I know it was from the hamburger. They were funky; it just had to kick in, lol.

Puking, lettuce with no dressing, chicken in my pockets, getting teased for not eating, a fly in my food... it was a disaster. Anyways, the joke of lechuga is lechuga en lechuga because we ate lettuce in a town called lechuga, lol. Lettuce in lettuce.

So we found the best street contacting trick. You literally just look at the people when you ask for the number with the biggest cheese ever, and they always say yes. Also, always start off with "estamos un poco perdidos" because they think it's so funny when gringos are lost. We are a little lost, we're looking for our friend in this one neighborhood. Works like a charm.

Spanish is coming slowly but good, está bueno, lol.

The spiritual thought this week comes from Alma 19:22-23: "Now, one of them, whose brother had been slain with the sword of Ammon, being exceedingly angry with Ammon, drew his sword and went forth that he might let it fall upon Ammon, to slay him; and as he lifted the sword to smite him, behold, he fell dead. Now we see that Ammon could not be slain, for the Lord had said unto Mosiah, his father: I will spare him, and it shall be unto him according to thy faith—therefore, Mosiah trusted him unto the Lord."

I really liked these, and they stood out to me because here Ammon is down with Lamoni, and this stood out to me because God entered into a covenant with Mosiah and promised that He would protect his sons. That was cool and interesting to me because it is true about covenants. It's a promise between God and man, and God always keeps His covenants, so we need to also. We need to keep our covenants; it should not be one-sided. I really liked the quote from President Nelson this conference: "Whenever any kind of upheaval occurs in your life, the safest place to be spiritually is living inside your temple covenants!" I don't know why, but that's just super powerful because I thought he would have said "in the temple," but he said "in your temple covenants," so that was interesting. It is really cool to see that they're actually so important. Covenants bind us closer to God, the baptismal covenant, and our temple covenants. They're all so essential in the return for eternal life and exaltation if you're worthy. Anyways, I am so stoked for the PR Temple to be done.

Anyways, I am out of time again. I keep doing district activities, lol. So yeah, anyways, transfers are next week, and I am praying I get a greenie because that would be a disaster, us trying to learn Spanish together. But I love it. Anyways, pray I can get the greenie and stay in Arecibo, or I can stay with Elder Christensen. Nos vemos en la próxima semana.

P.S. This is for Barney, that blind guy. He said it would be funny to quote him and put a smiley face with no eyes because he can't see in our journal, so here's that. :) 

Fast Sunday sucked. We forgot it was Fast Sunday, so we had to start at 9, and we had a day full of regretting our choices. Then we went street contacting and walked like 30 minutes down to the bottom of Arecibo. We walked a little in the jungle and met some guy. It reminded me of that scene in "The Best Two Years" because I chose to go there when we were starving, so we went as far away from food as possible to be away from temptation. Anyways, it reminded me of that scene in the movie. LOL!