Yo, Elder, Pull Over I Can't Hold It In Until We Get Home. I'm Going To Poop My Pants.

Que la que, freaking, ¿qué hay de nuevo? Oh dear, another week gone, what is this? I still think I'm in July, not going to lie. Yo, I should be a poet that rhymes. Wow, look at that! Also, how is it already another week? That's a question for you, not me.

Well, well, well, should I share the story of the title or no? Hmmm, let me think about it.

So, yesterday was a freaking miracle day. We were like, "Bro, let's go to Barranquitas and visit Miriam because she stopped answering us." She said she was in the hospital taking care of her sister, and we were like, "¿Es eso un embuste o cierto? Déjanos ver." So we went walking in her neighborhood and we yelled at her house, and she came out. And we got good news, great news, but bad news, lol. Basically, one of those breakups that's like, "It's not you, it's me," and you're like, "Bruh, why?" Anyways, she's like, "I really wanna learn and join the church, but my sister's moving in with her son for 2 months till they go to the states. Then I'll call you guys when I have free time in March." And then she was like, "Also, btw, I read that book you gave me for the past four days because I was having a hard time while I was in the hospital, and I really like it." And we were like, "Broooooooo, you're reading the Book of Mormon?????????? How do you like it?" "Me encanta." She went on to say how spiritual it felt and how calm and happy it made her, and we were like, "Ok, homegirl, you're not about to drop us rn." So anyways, idk what to do because she said she's busy, but she's actually reading, so probably we're just going to keep trying to stop by her house. So pray for Miriam to have free time to take lessons.

On Tuesday, we had a Christmas devotional with the whole mission, talking about Jesus and eating a brunch, singing hymns, doing skits. I was the best Grinch Iguana ever, btw. Also, forget the party. I SAW CARPET! I SAW CARPET! IT'S THE FIRST TIME IN 5 MONTHS. I was so happy as I'm sitting there enjoying being with missionaries, but all I cared about was the carpet. Man, I miss laying on carpet and wood floors. Tile feels so unhome-like. I miss my carpet and wood floors, but seriously, that was the best Christmas gift ever, to be in a room full of carpet. Also, so I got to sit by Papa during this whole thing. That's right, I was sitting next to Elder Christensen, my comp, and Elder Teuscher was right behind me on the other table. So I was like, so happy. All of my companions were so close. Anyways, Elder Christensen is the best. That was fun to get to sit by him. I love that guy. Anyways, they gave us brunch, and I was like, "Ok, betttttt." And I go and only got 2 French toast sticks. So I snuck back in for seconds, shhhh, and got more. Anyways, President Skinner's like, "2 more minutes of eating, and we will start again." I'm like, "Sheeeshh, I still got this food, and I gotta pee so bad." So I shove the syrup and French toast sticks in my mouth and say, "Dad, take me to the bathroom," hahha, because I need a comp. Anyways, Elder Christensen was like my father again, taking his kid potty. Idk, I thought it was funny.

We had dinner that night with a member and her family of 7. Oh wow, that was so fun, and we got pastelón. Oooof, I think that and piononos and tripletas... can't decide, but those three foods are the best Puerto Rican dishes to ever exist. Anyways, oh, and pink beans. Anyways, we pounded down some pastelones, and it was so good. Shared an awesome message. Then, this is where the shiz went down. No, literally, lol. So we're driving, and my comp is totally like, "Bro, hurry, I'm going to poop myself," and I'm like, "Ok." Then he goes, "After we're going in the jungle of Puerto Rico, 'Elder, pull over or it's going in my pants.'" Then he went and grabbed a napkin I actually cleaned up my throw-up with last week, lol. And he ran like he had poopy pants up into the forest, and you just hear moaning and screaming. And he ended up having a fat diarrhea in the jungle, lol. Then I ended up getting lost, and we tried to turn around, and I got the car stuck because the hill was wet. And then we had to call the members we just ate with to tow our car out of the woods. That was so awkward. We're just stuck in the forest in front of some random guy's house, and he's like, "You're American." I'm like, "Ya." He's like, "Those Americans, always idiots." He's like, "There's a street right here," and there was a street 10 feet down the road. I didn't see, okay? The roads are narrow, and I found a little space to turn around, and then got stuck. Cease the moment, man. Then my comp asked to use his bathroom. We all know the rest of the story. Poor man.

On the Christmas Eve that we had, I was walking a neighborhood, and we ended up finding a less-active member. She gave us gross food. I put potato salad in a Ziplock in my backpack to make it so I didn't have to eat it, hahahah.

We made lots of brownies, and my comp and I overate, and he threw up. I had morning diarrhea, lol.

We bought a huge pizza Christmas Eve for dinner. That was so fun.

Had exchanges in Cayey, and we caught a frog, and I threw it on the owner, lol.

Pretty good week and had lots of fun like always. Missions are awesome.

Ate hamburgers for Christmas and drove a lot, lol. We had a good gift exchange in Guayama, and Elder Christensen got my plunger.

"Happiness is like a butterfly; the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder." - Jeffrey R. Holland