NEW TOILET WHO DIS?

Thanks for listening to my podcast via email. I hate writing emails. This is my week.

So, on Monday, we went to Cabos for a zone activity. That was sick! We played volleyball. I was running after the ball like crazy. I got so tired and sunburned. And then, we saw an iguana. We caught the iguana, and then they were like, "Elder Tew, you want to hold it and get a picture?" I was like, "Of course, I want to hold this thing." Apparently, I grabbed its stomach, and then it started scratching me. I got so many scratches. That sucked. Then we went to CVS. That was sick! There was carpet. I was like, "Oh my gosh, it's carpet. It's a miracle." My companion took a picture of me on the carpet. That was sick. CARPET, I miss carpet. You have no idea.

And then, I texted Elder Phillips for his breakfast sandwich recipe. Oh my gosh, those sandwiches are so good! I ate six this week. Actually, I ate four. But still... same thing. Six and four are basically the same.

Tuesdays, we had interviews. That was sick. Good interviews with the president. We had to drive to Cabos again. Then we drove back and went to Barranquitas, tried to find the lady that prayed and made her cry. She didn't answer, so we left her a note. Then we went and visited a few of our friends. We went to some lady's house that gave us a pin to drop off a Book of Mormon. She didn't answer, so we just left the Book of Mormon at her house. Hopefully, she got it. That was cool.

Then we came home and made a box of pancakes again because, for some reason, we both like doing this to ourselves. We decided that it's a good idea. Well, actually, on Monday, I was deciding to buy a bag of ice, but I had already checked out and realized I had forgotten the ice to make Piña Coladas. I asked her if I could buy a bag of ice, and the lady was like, "Sure," and scanned it. It was like $1.98. She said, "You've got to spend at least $2." I'm like, "Are you kidding me? $2? I'm at $1.98. That's like 2 cents." I literally just spent like $50 on groceries and forgot the ice, and now I have to spend an extra 2 cents? Anyway, I ended up buying pancakes for us again, so we made the whole box again. That was sick. And then, I couldn't finish it. My companion finished it. He went into the bathroom, and he's just dying. I'm just sitting here playing the hymn "Let us all press on in the work of the Lord," just trying to motivate myself. I couldn't do it. I could not finish that pancake. Then we gave it to our neighbor Fato, and he absolutely loved it. So that was good. At least Fato got some joy out of that.

Then, some crazy guy called us, and we asked him to say a prayer. He went on for like 40 minutes, and we have no idea if he is praying or if he is just preaching to us. But we were just sitting there listening. Then we were just talking and trying to listen to see if he was praying or not. We still have no idea if he was saying a prayer or not. It was so confusing.

Then, we had the Facebook pages the next day. That was sick! We got 16 referrals for the island. That was lit! Then, we went to Pedro and Lord's, the lady's, the people that we found playing dominoes last week and we're like, we show up and he's like, "follow me." He showed us his whole farm, which was sick. He has tons of chickens in his basement in all these little cages. He has tons of banana trees and all these other fruits. It was sweet. He has an awesome jungle farm thing. It was sick. Then he, like, we went in and his wife made food for us. She made us tostones, rice, beans, and some meat. So, I gave my companion the meat. I had so much rice, there was so much rice on this table, on this plate. I was like, "I can't eat all this." I got halfway and I was so full. And then she gives us orange juice and I have to drink mine and my companion's. And she puts the orange juice out and she's kind of hinting at us drinking more. I end up drinking the whole bottle of orange juice and finishing the rice. I was in so much pain. I'm like, "Oh my gosh, my stomach is going to explode." My companion and I are both just dying cause she ends up giving him more rice. She's like, "Do you want more rice?" and puts a little bit more on his plate. He's like, "Why can't I say no to these people?" We were both in so much pain, but it was worth it. And then we shared an awesome message. We read 3 Nephi 11 with them because they didn't keep their commitment to reading, so we read it with them. We kind of went over baptism and stuff. And then, they are like, "Yeah, everyone needs to be baptized." We had to kind of tease them about authority and stuff, and then they ended up sharing a story that Pedro slipped and fell or something, and then one of his tools—I think it was a machete or pickaxe, I couldn't quite tell—almost hit his head when he was tumbling down the hill. But he remembered that we were coming, and then it stopped. And so he's telling us that it was a miracle that we were coming because he needed to listen to our message. And then, at the end, he ended up saying that they are disciples of us. So we've got to really work on that because they should not be disciples of us, they should be disciples of Christ. So that was awkward.

Then, on Thursday, we went to district council and came back, and our bathroom was flooded. I'm walking out to take out the trash, and Elder Granodis is like, "Elder Tew!" I go in, and there's just tons of water on the floor. I'm like, "Oh my gosh!"

So, backstory with the toilet: Our toilet already had a leak, so we had a cup under it catching the water. But last week, I broke the chain when I was flushing the toilet somehow. And so, it snapped. And so, I decided that it would be a good idea to put a paper clip and connect it to the lid so we didn't have to use the tongs to flush the toilet anymore. So I tried that, and then I went to put the lid back on the top of the toilet, and when I put it down, I cracked the lid. I'm pretty sure I cracked the toilet even more too because then the next day it was just leaking like crazy. And I had a flood. So now we texted our landlord, and the next thing I know, we have a new toilet the next day on Friday, and the new toilet is just so nice. We have the nicest toilet in the mission now. It's so sick. I'm like, "Let's go!" We went from the worst toilet to the best toilet in 24 hours. It was so lit. Then we went to Alfonso's house on Three Kings Day and went to talk to him. And he likes our messages and likes talking to us but says he's going to stay in his church. We are pretty sure he talked to his pastor, and his pastor didn't say good things because he told us he was going to talk to his pastor, so we are going to go over there with a member and kind of talk to him because he wants to know the truth, he really does. And when we taught about the restoration, it was really clicking in his brain, and he was understanding that there was a falling away and there was an apostasy. And the authority had to be restored from Christ again. So he's been kind of thinking about that. The only problem is we're pretty sure that he's expecting God to appear to him after he prays for his sign. So we might have to teach him how the Holy Ghost works too. But hopefully, we can bring a member and help him out because he really does want to know the truth. And then we were like, "Frick, Diego told us to come over for dinner." And he hasn't texted us. So we, like, we're just driving, and he called us and he said, "Yeah guys, come over in an hour." So we went over and had dinner with Diego and his friend. That was sweet. We got to meet his friend and kind of talk to Diego. So then we had dinner with him and his family. That was awesome. Then the crazy guy called us again while we were driving home and told us that the White House got bombed by China and Cuba. We were like, "What?" We were like, "Why haven't we heard about this?" He's like, "Yeah, last night." We're like, "OK," taking it with a grain of salt. Anyways, we ended up asking some members, and it didn't happen. And this guy is just straight throwing lies in our face. We're like, "Bro, if the White House got bombed, we would know about this before he would have told us." Because he was like, "It was last night." I'm like, "Diego would have told us about this." And we're thinking like, "Maybe they didn't." And we're like, "Oh my gosh, did the White House get bombed?" Yeah, it didn't get bombed. That was fake. This guy is crazy. But we're going to try and get an in-person lesson and give him a Book of Mormon. I don't even know what's wrong with that guy. It's like there's nothing wrong with him, but there is. Like, I don't even know. Like, I love everyone, and we love him cause it's kinda funny, but I don't even know. Then the next day, we went to Coma Rio, and we're looking for this dude who said to give him a Book of Mormon, and I don't even know how I found his house. He was explaining his directions last week, and it was so confusing. Anyways, we ended up going, and it was either 8A or 8D. I couldn't really understand, so we tried 8D first. These guys were working on their car. They didn't want to talk, but the lady was pretty nice. I'm pretty sure they were like, "Could we come back to this lady?" because she was really nice and helping us. And then we went to 8A, and no one answered. And so we left a Book of Mormon at the door, and hopefully, he gets it. Then we went to another neighborhood and walked. We saw this guy that was sitting on the stairs of the Comodo. That guy looks so familiar. So we went and parked our car, and it was next to one of our friends' houses. I was like, "Yo, I think that guy is that guy" because they look the same. And my companion is like, "Yeah, I agree." And I'm like, "He looks so familiar." So we walked, and then we saw this guy that we taught last week and wanted to know the truth. We taught him an awesome restoration, and hopefully, he prays about it, and we can get him.

He told us that his sister believes in the Book of Mormon, but she's also decided to join the Jehovah's Witnesses. I'm like, how does that even make sense? If you believe in the Book of Mormon, that means this is the only true church. I'm like, let us talk to your sister. Please! We're about to convert her from the Jehovah's Witnesses. They don't even celebrate birthdays. Anyway, then we went and found the guy who was sitting on the porch, and we're talking to him like, "Yo! Eduardo, how are you?" He's so confused, obviously. It wasn't Eduardo, in the moment. So we realized it wasn't Eduardo and we walked with him all the way to his house. Then we get there and realize it was Eduardo's house, and we're like, "You're not Eduardo, but you're... We're like, do you know Eduardo and Luce, our friends that live right here?" He's like, "That's my dad and mom." And we are like, "That's why you look so much like Eduardo because you are his son. We are like, how old are you? 70." We're like, "What? How old is Eduardo? If you're 70, how old...oh my gosh!" Anyway, then the next day, we went to Maria Bagos, a lady that we found on the street last week, and we went to her house because she was sad that we were leaving. So we set up another lesson, and we went to her house, and in the beginning, she was like, "Do you guys want some soda and some donuts?" And we were like, "Sure." She brings out all these Hostess donuts and soda, and obviously, the deal I had with my companion is that I have to eat all the sugar. So I'm sitting there pounding down donuts and soda, trying to eat because she's like, "We are not going to start until you guys are done." So I'm like, "Frick, we've got to eat this fast." So I'm trying to eat all these donuts. And she's like, "Do you guys want a napkin?" and walks away. I pull out a Ziploc and put all the donuts in the Ziploc and throw it in my pocket. I'm like, "I can't eat all these donuts. I've already eaten 7 out of 16. There's no way I can eat more." And then we taught her the restoration, kind of taught her about baptism, and liked the apostasy because she wanted to know why there were so many churches. So we taught her the apostasy, and then she was like, "What does that mean about my church? The Catholic Church." Then we read Moroni 8 with her about baptism for little kids. We're like, "Yeah, this is an abomination in the sight of God. Don't worry... We weren't mean about it. We were very spiritual." And then my companion just pulls out, "You need to be baptized again." I was like, "Holy crap. That was so direct." I'm like, "Alright. Let's go." And she's like, "Yeah, I want you guys to baptize me today." We're like, "No, no, no. You have to come to church at least twice and do all these discussions." And she's like, "No, no, no. I want you guys to baptize me today." We're like, "Oh my gosh! I wish we could baptize you today, but you do have to come to church twice." So we invited her to church. She said she would come. Then the next day, we go to church, and she's like, "We call her. Well, in the night, we went and visited her. We call her in the night, or whatever, and she's like, "Yeah, I'm going to try super hard to come. It's a 50/50." And she's like, she doesn't show up, and neither does Diego. We go to Maria Bago's house that night, and she's told us that her daughter didn't want to give her a ride to our church because she doesn't want her going to our church. I was like, "Hmmm. That's exactly what we said. That Satan was going to work hard, and that you're not going to come." And she was like, "Oh, but don't worry, next week you guys can help me get a ride. And I'm not even going to tell my daughter that I'm going. I'm just going to say I got in some car and left." And she also said she was willing to walk, which is a 40-minute walk from her house to the chapel. We're like, "OK." And she's like 80. This lady really wants it. This lady wants to be baptized. It was sick. We're like, "No, no, no. You don't need to walk. We can help you get a ride from a member. Don't worry, I'll be there next week." We're like, "OK, we believe you. This lady is sick." And then we made our own Pastelón. That was sweet. That took so long, though. Oh my gosh! It was like an hour to cook a Pastelón. And then I felt like I added too much egg, even though it said 2 eggs. It just tasted so eggy compared to Puerto Ricans' Pastelón. It was good, though. If you don't know what Pastelón is, it's just like... It's lasagna, but instead of noodles, it is ripe plantains. So just picture lasagna, but instead of noodles, it's a banana. That's what it tastes like. It's really, really good. And then we're eating our Pastelón, and some lady calls us, and we're like, "Who is this?" We talked to her for an hour and got an in-person lesson. She's really awesome. She was talking in Spanish and then switched to English, like halfway through. And I was like, "What the heck! Where did you get this perfect English?" She's like, "Yeah, I grew up in Boston for 45 years." I was like, "Why have I been talking to you in Spanish? I am so much better at English." But no, I love Spanish, though. It was good. And then we were walking home from Maria Bagos yesterday, and these members, like these teenagers in our ward, just saw us, and we were like a block from our house. So they're like, "Honk." They're like, "Get in, let us give you a ride." So that was sick. So we got to ride with members for a block. But it was just so funny cause they just came out of nowhere. And they just honked, and we're like, "You guys want our extra Pastelón?" They're like, "No." We're like, "Frick." So then we had to eat Pastelón again for dinner, which isn't a bad thing. We were just so full. Then we had transfer calls, and nothing is changing. So that's sick.

And then we went last night 'cause we ate all the Pastelón. We're like, "Frick. We ate all this Pastelón. We are freaking full." And my companion's like, "I am so full." He's like, "Tomorrow I'm going to buy laxatives." I'm like, "I have laxatives. Do you want laxatives?" Unfortunately, nothing happened. So that was sad. I was hoping he was pooping his pants. But he wasn't.

Also, I heard something this week that, like, makes so much sense. We were setting up the creation, but I actually heard from someone that made so much sense to me. Is that if God didn't have a body of flesh and bones in the beginning, then He would have created evil, which means he's the father of evil, which means he's also Satan. Which is not how God works. And that would put a limit on God, making him not a just God because he's also the creator of evil. Anyway, the moral of the story is God has a body of flesh and bones like us. And he's lived before, and he's resurrected, and so that's sick. So we're in the image of God. And yeah, that was my week. I got a haircut today, and that was sick. That's about it. That's everything.