AY Bendito

Day 72 out here in a concrete house, yeah... I'm quarantined. I tested positive 2 times for COVID, lol, kinda stupid if you ask. I haven't had COVID symptoms since last Monday, but my back was killing me all week, so I thought I had a kidney stone or a kidney infection, you know, I don't know. So I went on for a few days with this back problem, and finally, I'm like, "I gotta figure it out." So we go to the doctor, he writes me up for 5 labs: pee test, blood drawing, strep throat test, COVID test (bad idea). First off, I walk in and get told to sit in the chair. She puts the band on my arm, and I'm like, "Oh dear, she's going to draw my blood." I'm going to pass out. So I tell them it's normal and it always happens. Then the other lady starts coming to talk to me about missions, so I start talking to this lady, and then I'm done. Mom, you'd be so proud! I didn't pass out, and I have no idea how. Anyways, we get done, and then 9:30 rolls around, and I get a call from the Hermana Skinner that I tested positive for COVID-19, which you want to know. I'm still waiting for the answer to why my back hurts so bad. Anyways, I go to bed, and Saturday morning, sure enough, I'm stuck in quarantine, and so we've been here for 3 days. We took a test last night, and me and my comp both tested positive again, lol. This is a disaster. My comp is going insane; he's trying to wrestle me because he wrestled in HS, and he's so bored. I'm going to die out here. (By the way, I don't have a single symptom anymore. That was all a week ago, so I should be out soon. Also, I feel great.)

My comp is going insane. I'm gonna die. Not by COVID but by Elder Donaldson. SOS. ESTAMOS CHILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLING.

As for the baptism, it got moved to this coming Sunday before we were quarantined because her husband had work, and he is going to baptize her. Just another testimony of the fact that God is in the details. He knows what is happening.

I had a really weird dream I've been thinking about for some reason. I came on a mission pause for like 4 days. I was home to see my friend's farewell. As we were there, we all sang a hymn ("Let us all press on in the work of the Lord") with my whole mission there. We all started doing the last chorus, and the spirit was just so strong, and I was so happy. It ended, and these two awesome friends of mine came up to me and said, "Coleman, I love you. But I don't want to hang out with you anymore." Why, I asked. "I don't know how to say it. I just..." Then I finished his sentence: "You don't feel comfortable because I am making righteous choices on my mission and becoming more righteous every day. And you don't feel comfortable around me?" And they go, "Exactly, we just feel so guilty and uncomfortable." And I instantly thought of the end of our lives. I told them to walk with me, and we started talking about life after death. I was begging them to change so they would want to hang out with me because I love them so much. "You just don't get it. We try to change, and we just can't. We can't give up these addictions or girls. We try so hard, and in the end, we always fall again. We're never going to be perfect, and you just don't understand either. You've never had this; you wouldn't understand. You just changed instantly and went on a mission." I start talking and saying, "There are two things I see flawed with your plan. First, you think change and repentance happen instantly alone, and that's not how it works. You should be praying daily for help from Him who knows. And yes, I do know how you feel; you're not alone. What you guys think is that I just changed my life instantly. You don't see all the failed attempts, and what you don't see is that I had to turn to Him who knows how to help because He's been in my shoes. He's the only one. What you are also not realizing is the importance of daily repentance and what repentance actually is. Repentance is a change of heart, so daily repentance means every day you find one little thing you need to change to get closer to God, one thing a day. And you're not going to be perfect tomorrow. We are all humans; we all fall and fail every day. That's why we start today, changing to be better 1% every day. God doesn't expect us to be perfect, but He does want us to try to become more like Christ every day so we can arrive at the point of perfection in the next life. And it's only possible through Him who was perfect. More important than what we're doing is who we are becoming, and that's what is so good about daily repentance: the focus on who we are becoming and less about what we did or what we are doing day to day. 'Oh, I slipped up again, I can never repent; I won't be perfect tomorrow.' That's not the mentality. We need to be focused on one thing every day until we arrive at the point of perfection. It's not 'sinner today and perfect tomorrow'; it's 99% today, 98% tomorrow, 97% the next day until you are at 0% sinner, and it's only possible to do this through Him who already paid for this. Thanks to Him who gave His life, we can change ours to be like Him." Then I woke up.

There was a lot I learned from this dream. I feel like I taught myself a lot. But mainly, I realized that in the next life, if we don't take the time to repent, we are going to be really uncomfortable in His presence because He is so righteous and we are sinners. So if we don't repent, it's not a lay down the hammer and then we are in heaven or hell. Jesus is going to be begging us to stay. While we don't feel comfortable, we will be telling Him we want to leave. Also, I see that daily repentance was inspired by the prophet, but I see it a lot differently now after this dream. Also, when they say, "You just don't understand how hard it is to change. You're perfect, and you can't relate," it's crazy to think how awesome it is that the Savior does know. He knows all things. He knows exactly how we feel. He knows exactly how frustrating it is to want to change and repent but just not be able to fully and keep falling. But then when we turn to Him every day, every prayer, we don't fall. Little by little, we are all made perfect through Christ.

Good week.